Downsizing can feel emotional and overwhelming. “Often, ‘I’m not ready yet’ means ‘I don’t know where to start,’” says Dolly Wittman, owner of the Kansas City, Kansas, branch of senior relocation company Caring Transitions. “It’s always easier to come to terms with a move when you have a step-by-step plan.” You can help your senior relative by reframing downsizing as an adventure, using the one year rule, and hiring professionals. Consolidating collections and sentimental items can also help your loved one let go of things they no longer need.
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Help your senior loved one keep their eyes on the steps ahead to encourage excitement about their new home. Talk to them about the freedom that comes with having fewer belongings, or help them focus on how they can arrange their favorite furniture in their new space. This helps establish a familiar environment. “When we provide senior moving assistance, we focus on the old space as well as the new,” says Wittman.
As you help your senior parent or loved one, gather the following details about the new place so you can start planning together:
Research from the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin and the Association for Psychological Science shows that downsizing can have a positive impact on mental health. People may have lower stress levels, improved focus, and healthier lifestyles after paring down their belongings.[01,02]
“Sometimes, there’s a fine line between keeping something because you’ve had it a long time and keeping it because it’s important,” adds Wittman. Have a gentle discussion with your parent about the ways their life can improve once they move to a smaller space with fewer items.
Dolly Wittman, Caring Transitions branch ownerGetting rid of the things that don’t matter saves space for the things that do.
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A good way to tell if a senior truly needs something is whether they’ve used that item in the past year. If a baking dish or CD player is collecting dust in the closet, it probably isn’t needed.
Many seniors struggle with the idea of parting with their belongings, and it can be frustrating to help them downsize. But the one year rule is a strategy that will hopefully take some of the burden off both of you. As you go through their belongings together, ask your loved one if they’ve used an item in the last year. If the answer is no and it’s not a sentimental item, it might be time to let the item go.
Note: This helps with common-use items, not keepsakes. A once-read paperback can go, but a favorite book may find a place in the new home, even if it hasn’t been read in years.
Negatives, duplicate photos, and home videotapes take up a lot of space. Consider helping your elder family member consolidate tapes into organized electronic files and only keep one copy of photographs. Local store chains and online services can convert photos and videos quickly and affordably.
However, keep in mind that sentimental value is personal. “Don’t keep something because you feel like you’re supposed to,” says Wittman. A crystal wedding present may seem important, but a cheap souvenir from a favorite trip could have more sentimental value.
You can help your loved one understand the difference by making it a goal to only keep items that bring feelings of happiness. If they’re hesitant, start by holding one item at a time and asking them to tell you about the item and how they feel about it. If they mention feelings of joy or have a meaningful story about the item, it’s likely sentimental and may be worth keeping.
Snapping photos is one of the first things Dolly Wittman’s team does when helping seniors downsize. “We want to be sure families can establish a familiar environment for nostalgia purposes,” she says.
For instance, getting a new “Best Grandpa” mug each birthday takes up serious shelf space. Keeping the two that are most regularly used and photographing the others to put in a keepsake album is a helpful solution. Make a list of the collections your loved one has, and offer to help them photograph each one. Then, help them choose one or two favorites from each collection before removing the rest.
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Use a senior move manager or another professional who can make the downsizing process easier on everyone. Perhaps you and other family members or friends feel you’ve done all you can to help your parent downsize. Maybe the senior is having a difficult time with the decluttering process. Including an impartial third party can relieve some stress and the strain on your relationship.
“Move managers and downsizing specialists have networks to find the best homes for cherished possessions,” says Wittman. Professionals can also help ensure specialized memorabilia is sold to collectors who will understand its value. Talk with your aging relative about how a professional can help both of you through this experience, and start interviewing options once you’re on the same page.
“It’s easier to leave something behind if you know it’s going to a good home,” notes Wittman. Mention to your senior parent that just because something won’t fit in a small apartment doesn’t mean they have to throw it away. Consider the options below to help their downsizing experience leave a positive impact:
Saxbe, D. & Repetti, R. (2010). No place like home: Home tours correlate with daily patterns of mood and cortisol. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.
Vohs, K., Redden, J., & Rahinel, R. (2013). Physical order produces healthy choices, generosity, and conventionality, whereas disorder produces creativity. Association for Psychological Science.
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