Long-Distance Caregiving: Tips, Challenges, and Guidance

A long-distance caregiver is someone who offers support to a loved one living an hour or more away.^[01] Typically, they’re an adult child who helps coordinate their aging parent’s care and well-being from a different city or state. While they may not provide daily hands-on support, long-distance caregivers play a vital role in keeping their loved ones safe, healthy, and happy.

Long-distance caregivers are generally responsible for:

• Coordinating personal and medical care
• Offering emotional support
• Keeping their loved ones’ affairs in order
• Determining when their loved one needs more help

Caregivers who live far from their loved ones may be challenged by a lack of information and the inability to provide hands-on support when problems arise. This can lead to feelings of guilt and helplessness.

Long-distance caregiving can be even more of a challenge for families separated by states or countries, as the caregiver may also need to navigate time zones, language barriers, and unfamiliar locations.

Long-distance caregiving is difficult, but there are tips to help you manage it better. Vicki Demirozu, founder of Giving Care with Grace, offers some valuable insights into managing the challenges faced by long-distance caregivers.

1. Communicate regularly and consistently

There are many good reasons to communicate consistently and regularly with your loved one. Loneliness is a risk factor for mortality, and a weekly phone call can be a huge boon to their mental and physical health.^[02] Regular communication is also the best way to understand your loved one’s needs.

When calling your loved one, keep these tips in mind:

• Call at a consistent time every day or week. According to Demirozu, “If you and your mom have been talking on the phone at 5 p.m. every Wednesday for two months, and she doesn’t pick up one day, that’s a sign that something may be wrong.”
• Schedule a video call to pick up on nonverbal cues. Your loved one’s facial expressions and body language can speak volumes about how they’re doing.
• Encourage other family members and friends to keep in touch with your loved one.
• Ask open-ended, specific questions regarding their health and care, such as:
  • How are you feeling?
  • Have you been taking your medications?
  • Have you gone out recently? What was it like?
  • What did you eat yesterday?
  • Do you need help with anything?
  • How are your other caregivers doing?
  • What can I do to support you?

Having meaningful and specific conversations over the phone is imperative.

“Some seniors generationally were raised in a time when they don’t complain as much,” Demirozu explains. “Sometimes things happen very rapidly, and they can have very serious situations going on, but [your aging parents] aren’t either willing or able to communicate it until it becomes a crisis.”

Demirozu notes that this is especially true when seniors and adult children talk primarily over the phone.

2. Use technology to monitor and support

Utilizing modern technology is a must for long-distance caregiving. These tools make it easier to monitor and care for your loved one without being physically present, which can help you feel less guilty. For example, personal fall monitors, in-home motion sensors, and cameras can provide you with information about your loved one’s environment and about how they’re doing.

3. Visit regularly and be present

Technology can help bridge the distance when you’re hours away, but there’s no substitute for seeing your loved one and their environment in person. So, try to visit as often as possible. When you do, try to strike a good balance between meeting your caregiving responsibilities and simply spending quality time with your loved one. If your employer offers them, take advantage of employee benefits for caregivers so you can take time off to visit.

If you aren’t able to visit as often as you’d like, arrange for other family members and friends who live close by to check in on your loved one. You could also consider home companion care.

Let our care assessment guide you

4. Create a local support network

While a long-distance caregiver can provide some support, even from far away, your loved one will also need local support. This may come in the form of in-home caregivers, housekeepers, friends, and neighbors.

Demirozu suggests taking these steps when coordinating your loved one’s care:

• Make sure there’s at least one person who lives close to your loved one and can check in on them when you can’t.
• Talk with your loved one’s other caregivers at least once a week. They can give you a fuller picture of how your loved one is doing and if any changes need to be made.
• Even social drop-ins from a friendly neighbor can be helpful to you and your loved one.
• Create and maintain a spreadsheet or shared calendar with information about who’s providing care and when. Or you can use a family caregiver app to simplify coordinating care.

If your loved one lacks a local support system but can manage activities of daily living (ADLs) on their own, consider independent living.

5. Understand their health and care

Learn about your loved one’s health and care in order to make informed decisions — even from afar. Research any health conditions they have and check out resources that may be available to them, such as Medicare, Medicaid, and VA benefits. Communicate with your loved one to understand what kind of support they require.

Help your loved one complete medical and financial power of attorney documents and get their written permission to speak to their doctors about their health, even when you’re not with them. Without these documents, you won’t be authorized to participate in their care. Set up regular calls with your loved one’s doctors and other health care providers so that you remain updated and informed.

6. Support your loved one’s emotional and mental health

While physical health is very important, stay up to date on your loved one’s emotional or mental health too. Keep an eye out for signs of depression or anxiety. Since long-distance caregiving means you’re not able to be present to ensure your loved one is happy and content, take extra care to:

• Encourage engaging hobbies.
• Send care packages or handwritten letters to show you’re thinking of them.
• Talk openly about their feelings.

7. Keep track of important medical and financial documents

Having essential legal, financial, and medical documents and contacts in order can prevent unnecessary chaos during emergency situations. Keep all caregiving information updated and located somewhere safe and accessible for you and your loved one.

Create and maintain a list of all of your loved one’s medications and past procedures to keep in a visible place in their home to use in case of an emergency. Additionally, request permission to access your loved one’s medical portal to help keep track of medications and visits.

To stay prepared, discuss your loved one’s financial situation with them. This will help you understand whether they need help as you and any other caregivers plan for their future needs.

8. Plan for emergencies

Have a plan in place to get to your loved one as quickly as possible in the event of an emergency. If something happens, be ready to jump in your car or on the first flight out. Here is how you can plan for these scenarios:

• Pack a bag. Pack all your essentials and a couple of days’ worth of clothing in a bag that you can pick up quickly to travel.
• Know how to get there. In an emergency, what’s the best way to reach your loved one? A flight? A train? A rental car? Research travel options ahead of time so you can act quickly when necessary.
• Have accommodation options. If you aren’t able to stay in your loved one’s home, identify accommodation options, such as other family members, friends, short-term rentals, or local hotels.

9. Ask for help

There are many challenges to being a long-distance caregiver. While looking after your loved one is a priority, don’t forget to take care of yourself as well. Most importantly, don’t take on this huge task alone.

For added support throughout your caregiving journey, you may want to:

• Join an online or in-person caregiver support group.
• Ask your other family members for help.
• Ask your loved one’s community to keep an eye out.

Read more:Siblings Fighting Over Elderly Parents’ Care: 10 Common Problems and Solutions

10. Adapt as needed

Over time, your loved one’s situation and needs may change. Evaluate and adapt their care plan regularly, and consult with their care providers to see if it’s time to consider other options, such as assisted living or in-home care services.

Talk with a Senior Living Advisor

“Peace of mind is hugely important for long-distance caregivers specifically,” Demirozu says.

If you’ve noticed changes in your loved one’s health, appearance, or daily routines, it may be time to reevaluate the level of care they’re receiving. Consider whether your loved one requires assisted living, memory care, or even nursing home care. Foregoing additional help is not only dangerous for the senior, but it’s also likely to result in guilt and burnout for you as a long-distance caregiver.

For help finding senior care options that fit your loved one’s needs and budget, consider calling one of A Place for Mom’s Senior Living Advisors. They can help you find in-home care or various types of senior living all over the country. Our advisors can also arrange in-person and virtual tours to help you find the right facility — even when you’re far away.