Finding someone to grow old with is a priority for many Americans, yet sometimes “together forever” is easier said than done. We spoke with three senior couples whose marriages have stood the test of time for more than 50 years. From traveling together to prioritizing family, the romance tips from these longtime lovebirds can inspire you to create lasting memories this Valentine’s Day and beyond.
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The Valentine’s Day advice throughout this article is based on these three couples’ success stories.
Carl and Annie were school sweethearts, and they’ve been married for over 71 years. One of the couple’s fondest memories this time of year is the birth of one of their daughters on Valentine’s Day.
In 1953, Virginia and Robert experienced love at first sight, and they were married five months later. After more than 67 years of marriage, Virginia fondly recalls a Valentine’s Day when Robert brought home two bouquets of flowers, one for her and one for their daughter.
Jamar and Megan were married in their mid-30s, something Megan says was unusual back then. Fast forward a few decades, and they’re thankful they took their time to find each other’s “forever” person. They still celebrate Valentine’s Day together, and one of their most memorable included a snowy evening full of Scrabble and wine.
From “never go to bed angry” to “argue naked,” you’ve probably gotten all kinds of marriage advice from friends, family, movies, and books. Something all three couples we spoke with agree on? There’s no great secret to a long marriage. You take it day by day, and put love first as the relationship grows.
Here are a few key tips from couples aging happily together.
“Don’t worry about the future. Just say you’re going to do something and do it right. Treat each other right,” says Robert about his life with Virginia.
“Share,” Robert says. “Don’t be greedy. Whatever you decide to do, it can’t just be one person — it’s got to be two.” If you’re considering a move or change of job, consult your partner and make big decisions together, Robert explains. “You share your idea, and may end up going in a different direction altogether.”
In their 70+ years together, Carl and Annie have visited all 50 states at least once, cruised through the Panama Canal, and even explored the Greek Isles. Whether you’re taking a quick weekend trip or jet-setting to another continent, travel is a great way to make memories and strengthen romantic bonds.
“If we walk, we walk together,” Robert says. “We do exercise classes together, and go to the dining room together. We don’t see that many movies, but if we did, we’d do it together!”
Alone time can be a good thing, especially for people who value solitude. “Before we were married, I spent a lot of time by myself, reading or going on walks,” says Megan, who’s lived with her husband Jamar for nearly 52 years. “It took a while to realize I still needed those things, even in our shared life together.”
Virginia enjoys quilting, and while Robert doesn’t sew or pattern his own quilts, he helps her pick colored fabric. “I’m not as good at picking them out, and he sees so many colors in a way I don’t. So we find a way to do things like that together.”
Family means different things to different people. Whether you choose to focus on your bond as spouses or raise children together, support your loved ones. For Carl and Annie, family means 24 great-grandchildren.
Virginia emphasizes the importance of communication in issues both big and small. “There’s no great secret — you just have to consider the other person and communicate,” Robert says.
A strong, mutual faith is the bedrock of Carl and Annie’s relationship. Even if you and your partner don’t practice the same religion, talk about the big things in life you both value.
“My favorite thing about marriage is that she’s been there to support me and take care of me,” Carl says. Supporting your loved one can take many forms, but it’s key to a healthy marriage. “Jamar has been there for me through everything — the deaths of my parents, retirement from a job I loved, and so many more. And I’ve been there to support him as well. It’s mutual,” Megan says.
Many couples move into senior living together as they age. By taking away the stress of household chores and responsibilities, spouses are free to explore new activities, pursue favorite hobbies, and make time to focus on each other.
Whether you’re going on a cruise, like Carl and Annie, or taking up fishing, like Jamar, trying new things can keep a lengthy relationship exciting. Virginia suggests finding something you’ve always enjoyed and becoming more active with it as you age.
Her most important advice? Share those experiences. “You’ll always enjoy something more doing it together than alone.”
Don’t shy away from showing your partner how much you love them. Whether you opt for simple everyday gestures or grand Valentine’s Day and anniversary celebrations, make these moments count.
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Everyday chores aren’t stressful for Carl and Annie anymore. The couple moved into Pacifica Senior Living Country Crest a few years ago. They love that cooking, cleaning, and linens are done for them.
Virginia and Robert have found new activities to do together. They’ve called their senior living community home for about four years now, and they’re frequent participants in planned activities and exercise classes. They praised both residents and staff for showing creativity and staying engaged during the pandemic.
If you’re interested in looking for an assisted living facility for you and your loved one, be sure to ask the right questions as you tour.
Enjoying a simpler life can also strengthen bonds. Megan and Jamar recently moved into an independent living apartment near their daughter. While downsizing was challenging, they’ve grown to love the simplicity and amenities of their new home.
People express affection differently, but here are a few ideas for seniors to let their spouses know they’re thinking about them:
If a couple doesn’t already have their own plans, senior living program directors often schedule unique and engaging activities for residents. Valentine’s Day celebrations may include:
There are also several fun ways you can help your parents celebrate the holiday if they live in a senior living community.
Try a few of these ideas to celebrate Valentine’s Day with loved ones in senior living:
Read more:The Best Gifts for Elderly Loved Ones
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For some elderly loved ones, Valentine’s Day may be a difficult holiday. Perhaps their life-long partner passed away recently, or memories of an old flame bubble to the surface. If your loved one is facing a Valentine’s Day alone, a kind word, a gift, or an activity can go a long way to help your loved one process their grief.
This may also be a good time to bring up the possibility of moving to a senior living facility if your loved one doesn’t already reside in one. One of the biggest benefits independent or assisted living facilities offer seniors is a chance to regularly socialize with people their own age. Consider waiting until after Valentine’s Day to bring up a potential move, but don’t feel guilty for recommending a change that could benefit your aging parent.
Whether you’re looking for a place for dad or mom, or both, consider reaching out to A Place for Mom’s Senior Living Advisors. They can help you find the right senior living facility at no cost to you or your family.
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